


Bridgettes Diary

by BridgetteTheFuqBoi



Category: Original Work
Genre: And Addiction, CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM, F/F, Lesbians, The story isnt all about that, Trans Female Character, but it is contained, diary format, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 12:39:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16640291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgetteTheFuqBoi/pseuds/BridgetteTheFuqBoi
Summary: Bridgette has a lot of issues, and really no place to vent them so her girlfriends prod her into starting a diary to have a place for all those feelings. In the diary she slowly details and reveals her whole life, all with her own sass included.





	1. Date/12/14/18

I relapsed again, for the first time in like 2 months and like whatever I mean it’s fine I’m not hurt or dying, well I mean I am hurt. 

It’s like bleeding decently right now but I don't really care? I should be cleaning, not writing or typing or whatever but I just cant right now. I need to type it out because Athenadora and Charlotte and Ihabella all decided that starting a diary would probably be helpful for me. I hate talking about my feelings but at the same time I want to, yah know? and so I'm venting now. 

Here to this blank page instead of like lashing and yelling or getting drunk or whatever. Not that I should have gone at my legs with a razor but I mean at least I'm sober and I can deal with it soon. 

When my pipe looks less tempting. 

But for now I think I need to explain what I did. 

Well not need. 

More want? 

It's like a clinical dettachment at the same time it's hugely triggering. the whole cutting thing has been an issue of mine for a while. another addiction to add to my many others. 

Liquor, weed, pills, you name it I've probably taken it. 

Not like heroin or meth or crack tho, my looks are what save my ass and those things do fully ruin people. 

I don't want to fully ruin myself all the time. 

Just most of the time. 

Anyways I'm sitting in my room right now, bloody, in my boxers, that are also bloody. With a towel underneath my ass so I don't get blood all over the chair I love to sit in with Charlotte when she's over. 

She doesn't like the stains in my room. 

And it's not like I can blame it on my period. Basically its alot of blood and little to blame it on. Or really nothing since I can't lie to them anymore. 

Athena or Char or Bella.

They're too damn smart for me like all the time. 

It sucks. 

Fuckin I almost feel like I’m not worth their time? 

But I know i am and I deserve to be happy they told me that. 

Honestly I don't know why I am not high right now? They always get high with me. 

But when I’m high and alone, my everything gets way worse. like my depression and shit. So I try to be only high when I'm around one of my girlfriends or friends. 

But today I'm alone. and I have never felt more alone. Char is visiting her mom, Ihabella and Athenadora are out dealing with the reason I uh slipped up on my clean streak. 

Yeah. 

I think i'm done for today. 

Writing I mean. 

I’m gonna shower and dress my wounds and such. 

Bye.


	2. Date/12/18/18

Ok so it's been awhile since i wrote because i ended up putting myself in the hospital. 

My best friend died.

And it was my fault. 

No matter how much athena or ihabella tell me it isn't. 

It is. 

Charlotte still hasn't been able to call me because her mom is homophobic and sus as hell. 

But anyways it was my fault bc I sold her the pills she took. 

The ones that she od on. 

And. 

She is gone. 

I should've known she was unstable. 

I should've done something anything and. 

Well I didn't try and put myself in here on purpose I was just freaking out and cut too deep.

Like crazy deep. 

The doctor told me i cut through a few layers of muscle even i mean they had to sew it shut. And that was only one, I got a total of like 10 stitches? 

Just out of pure panic.

And then the rest can heal like they normally do. 

Like i honestly lost count. It's just about the worst month i've ever had. I know my girlfriends are going to be disappointed even if they say they're not. 

No. 

No. 

They’re just worried. 

Right now.


	3. Date/12/19/18

So the last entry was cut off because Charlotte surprised me and came home early from her moms’. She tackled me and nearly broke my laptop to hug me. 

It made my cuts fucking burn, but I was so happy I didn't even care.   
she kissed me all over my face and I was so happy. 

Well still am. 

She's sleeping in the bed with me right now. 

It's a little uncomfortable because she has her leg thrown over mine but it makes her happy. 

The bandages on my hips need to change soon but i don't really want her to move. 

At all. 

Athena and Ihabella are also here and they fell asleep on the chair, Ihabella is in Athena's lap. 

It's quite peaceful actually, despite the fact that everything ribs down are all slightly throbbing. 

But that's ok. 

I have my girlfriends with me. 

For hours Athena and Ihabella worked on reassuring me that Kefirs’ O.D. wasn't my fault. 

I just sold her the pills. That's like a cashier selling the gun a man uses to shoot himself. 

It's not his fault. 

He thought they were just gonna use them as they normally do.   
And that makes sense to me. 

But I think I'm gonna stop selling for a while. Until I no longer think of Kefir when I see oxy. 

That might be a while. 

Charlotte is mumbling in her sleep so I think I'm also gonna end this one short.

Bye.


	4. Date/12/20/18

So the doctor let me go home today, since they’re reassured I'm not gonna try and off myself. 

Athena and Ihabella decided to show us our christmas present early. 

They had gotten an apartment for us all. 

It had 3 bedrooms. 

Not that any of us slept in different beds or really wanted to. 

But me, Athena and Ihabella had started a kind of band a while ago.   
It was fun honestly. 

Good outlet for my rage. 

Something i started a little after her. 

Athena loved playing and singing indie songs, Ihabella was a bit of a slut and like to play more like, sultry music? 

Like seductive shit. 

I love rock, yelling and slamming guitar solos and drums. 

That shit made me fucking crazy happy. 

Another surprise was the pet stuff Athena got for me. 

A full set up for a ball python.

I just had to buy the snake. 

I was so fucking happy. 

My cuts were still healing so the first night in our new apartment was mostly spent unpacking and setting everything up. 

It took forever and in an effort to make up for the trouble I put my lovers through the past like fuckin week. 

I worked extra hard, carrying the biggest boxes and moving the heaviest stuff. I ended up popping two stitches on my ribs and was forced to sit on the couch for the rest of the moving process. 

It was boring. 

I wanted to help. 

But then Ihabella threatened that she wouldn't sleep with me if I got up again. 

So I stayed very still. 

She’s scary when she’s serious. 

And I know she would keep her promise. 

So I stayed there on the couch watching Netflix until they had every box in the house and in the appropriate room. 

We decided the third room would be for art, mostly Charlotte's painting equipment but also Athenadora’s needle felting shit and my clay. 

Bella liked singing more than art. 

But sometimes she painted abstract. I finally asked if I could help set up our room. and was again denied. 

Wow. 

This is long. 

Seems like domestic compared to my last few entries. 

But this stuff makes me happy. 

Well i'm gonna go to bed now. 

Ihabella was woken up by my typing and is now giving me dirty looks.

Bye.


	5. Date/12/26/18

So, christmas was fantastic, got a lapdance from Bella, Athena gave me a needle felted posable figure that looked like my monster oc. 

It was awesome. 

Charlotte painted us all together and we hung that up on the wall. 

I bought myself a piebald ball python that we named pumpkin, her spots kinda looked like carved pumpkins 

So. 

Yeah. 

I also got Charlotte new paints that she had been bitching about not being able to afford. 

For Athena i sang and let her record it for once.   
Sang her, Lucky I’m In Love, with Ihabellas help.   
Well it was for her and Charlotte but I had known Athena the longest. 

Even before I came out.   
And Ihabella got to dress me up in girly ass lingerie and take pictures. 

I pretended to hate it. 

We all spoiled Charlotte though, besides the paint from me and the songs, she got a kitten, several new outfits and new headphones. 

She was so happy.   
I loved that. 

Most of my smaller cuts are scabbed over and that's fantastic because I’ve really been missing my girlfriends. 

Sue me they're hot. 

I don't really have anything else to add. 

It's snowing right now. And I'm in the living room on the couch watching charlotte play with the kitten (she named her spice to go along with my snake).

I think Athena was in the art room finishing setting everything up and Ihabella was singing in the practice room. 

I am content.

Bye.


	6. Date/1/02/19

Yeah so, I'm not in the hospital again because of myself. 

Well not entirely, so remember the Her I mentioned?

I mean of course you don't. 

You're not a person. 

I'm writing to myself. whatever. 

Anyways. That's my ex. 

Super abusive and honestly almost killed me with her bullshit. 

And. 

I still can't stand seeing her. Kinda like my dad. 

Or my brothers gravestone. 

Except for when I see her I’m filled with terror and its been like 2 years since we ended but I guess we were together for like since I was about 16? 

Maybe 15 and I’m 24 now. 

So almost 7 years I was stuck with her. It’s. 

Alot. 

And well I was out with Athena, on one of our date nights. We went out to bars and stuff, normally, because Ihabella and Charlotte don't like bars. I mean Ihabella likes clubs but thats cause she also likes dancing. 

Normally charlotte and I went to like the movies. 

But anyways. i was out with athena and already kinda drunk? Talking with my favorite bartender Raleigh. 

She was nice. 

Is nice. 

Anyways. 

I uh heard a fight start? 

And the shouting was familiar. 

I almost never heard it but Athena was screaming at someone. With so much fucking rage it made me distraught. Like I was already shaking. 

She was screaming at Karaleaha. 

My ex. 

My insane crazy ex. 

My hands trembled harder. 

Kara didn't even look affected. 

Not at all. It was how she always looked.   
God. Athena shoved her hard. She never lost her composure like that, ever. 

And Kara laughed.

I hated her. 

And punched Athena straight in her throat. I dont think I’ve ever been angrier. I didn't even manage to say anything I just fucking screamed. 

I screamed.

And slammed into Kara. driving both of us through the blacked-out front window. The glass didn't even seem to hurt in that moment. 

I fucking lost it. 

I couldn't stop screaming, or hitting, until Raleigh dragged me off Kara. 

I kept screaming though. 

Cussing. 

But mostly just straight up screaming. 

I was so angry. 

Still angry. 

 

That happened the 29th of december. Kara of course, managed to hit me as well. I couldn't see through one of my eyes still and she had dug her finger into my fucking stitches. 

Like she knew they were there. 

She reveled in my pain. 

Always did. 

I had lost my voice after screaming like that. That kinda sucked. 

Ihabella was livid. 

And charlotte was upset to the point of being silent but thats how she normally reacted when one of us got hurt. 

she got nonverbal. 

It was just how she coped. Kara couldnt press charges since I had too many people at the bar that were on my side. 

She knew that. She’s smart.

Like the devil. I’m still worked up and my throat is still kinda raw. 

I can’t sing for a while. 

I want to kill Kara. They let me out of the hospital ealier btw. I was just in again actually because my cut that Kara had shoved her fingers into was infected. 

I’ll be back later probably.  
Bye


End file.
